Thanksgiving was good. Ate way too much and will probably be continuing on that path for the next week or so. No job, no money, so didn't get to go out for Black Friday sales. I hope everyone is enjoying their shopping and holiday weekend. :D *ugg* My tummy hurts... I ate too much... Lolz.

Re-reading Eclipse, the third Twilight Saga novel, because I'm just so damn bored. >.< I want to see New Moon again... I wish I had some money. -__-;

Happy Thanksgiving and Many Blessings!

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Today was a kind of messed up day. Sage and myself had said that we would help a mutual friend, Kitty, move today. Under the assumption that everything was set we arrived today, as scheduled, to help. As it so happened, however, Mizuki was unaware that anything was going on. I felt a little awkward being there. I was able to help out Kitty and we got most of her stuff packed and out by the time we needed to leave to go home. I just hope I didn't hurt Mizuki inadvertently. The last time she moved it was somewhat on the fly and unexpected. We had asked for a set time for her move but somehow things moved faster and we didn't get to help her out. I think she was hurt. -___- Everything is just so complicated.

Not much of anything new to say. Everything is pretty much at a steady, dull, and boring pace. Wake up, eat, sleep... repeat an indefinite amount of times. -__- I haven't been able to sleep at night lately. Gaer thinks that it's a bit funny because Mizuki-chan is having the same problem. He says we must be tuned to each other. Facebook seems to be the only constant source of amusement for me as of late. It's mind numbing games keep my otherwise worried brain at bay. You can tell because I'm around level 60 on most of my applications.

Halloween is coming up fast. 12 more days. And yet, although I'm excited about the festivities, I can't help but wonder just how it will turn out. I'm not sure as to what is going on anymore and the weather has been proving difficult as well. Hell; it actually snowed all day Thursday. I'm thankful for my access to Ebay as I actually managed to find a second hand costume for $25... but still unsure if we'll be able to afford anything else.

Sage's truck decided to break down multiple times this month. $350+ later we are having to suffer the effects of tightening our belts until the end of the month just in order to pay the rent. I received my retirement fund check in the mail last week but needed it to pay off debts we had. I had been planning on putting it into another 401K plan and leaving it to grow, however, other things took precedence.

This week's schedule book is full for a change but it leaves me wondering how many things we'll actually be able to accomplish. Both Sage and myself, being depressed, have found it hard to do much of anything.

Well, enough of my whining... I just pray that things turn around soon. I want everyone to just be happy, healthy, and safe. :)

I had fun today. Last year I had refused to go apple picking, as is our annual tradition, due to certain events... This year, however, proved to be different. Sage didn't try to invite everyone and their mother along for the day; which I find unnerving to say the least. The day started out decently. After only 4 hours of sleep I found myself getting up, doing laundry, and getting ready for the day. I had been scared that it was going to rain again, as the trend has been for the past few weekends, but the weather held out. Mizuki and I had a miss-communication which drove Sage up the wall on our way to pick up C4. He's never happy anymore... he's always so frustrated and angry... I just don't know what to do. But never the less that failed to get me down. We met my father at the orchard and proceeded to walk and collect the yummy apples. Unfortunately, my favorite, the Macintosh were completely out. One of the men helping to run the apple picking section even said that they are the most sought after and first to come into season so they go fast. T_T Oh well. After we finished up with the apples we headed over to greet the animals. One of the goats there was so fat it had to be prego... but then again it was getting a lot of free food from passerby's... lol. We partook of the orchards best yearly treats; apple cider and home made doughnuts. Yummy! All in all fun. The only missing part was Mizuki-chan. It was her original tradition that we took on as well... Maybe next year...

As most of my friends already know; the August-September time frame this year has been tough. I apologize for my lack of updates/entries. I just haven't been feeling like posting anything and most things I would have posted consisted of whining and crying which would only further your worries and/or make you bored. I'm depressed again currently. I've been taking my meds as prescribed but it isn't pulling me through like normal. I just wish I were happy. I just wish I *felt* happy again. All of my RL (real life) friends must think that I hate them as well... You see, when I get like this I distance myself from everyone and everything. Last night when I attended Katie's Birthday Party (and there was at least 10 other people there including C4, Sage, and my father) I felt so alone it hurt. I know I'm being stupid and it's all in my mind; but it's been tough.

I never thought I would miss the routine of going to work as much as I do now; and although I know and want to better myself the waiting is really getting to me. The not knowing from day to day is stressing me out.

I just want to go back to being happy.



PS: If any of my friends here would like to friend me on Facebook please feel free. I'm less depressing there; I promise.

What would you do if you had a million dollars?

One answer reality -- (meaning you have bills like normal)
One answer fantasy -- (you could blow it all)

Reality - Pay off all my bills. Give 1/3 to charity. Invest a majority of it in funds that would roll over; that way I could live off the interest.

Fantasy - Buy a house for my family so we could all be together. Travel the world to places like Asia and Europe. (*cough* JAPAN *cough*)

I don't want too much from life. Just enough and it would make me happy. =) But then again I guess it's people like myself that will never win a million dollars because of that. ;P

Since I'm kinda obsessed with the whole Target + Skelanimals for Halloween '09; I thought I'd post that M&M's has now partnered with Skelanimals as well! This Halloween be sure to look for Skelanimal printed M&M's! <3



This marks yet another win for Target in my book. Last year they partnered with Domo for Halloween '08. =)

( Promo Videos For 2008 and 2009 )