One Dream

Sing Your Golden Song Of Silence

A Bad Day
So... I'm not really sure what I should write. I pretty much just work right now. I'm working 40 hours a week, but it's all night shift, so it's been pretty tough to try to acclimate to. :(

Had a horrible day today. I just wanted a nice, quiet day at home to relax, but my father decided to come over for a visit. Now, it's not like I dislike my father's visits. I just desperately need a day off to recuperate. I currently work 10 pm to 6:45 am Sunday to Thursday. Friday goes by so fast that it doesn't even seem like a real day off, so Saturday is my only chance to unwind. Of course I couldn't just be mean and tell him he couldn't come over. I could never do that to my father. I was so spent and moody the whole day that I ended up feeling terrible.

Waited for Nene-chan to come online to talk with her, and hopefully save some of the day, and only ended up making everything worse in the end.

Right now I just fail at life.


So. I told momiji_neyuki that I would see about giving LiveJournal another go. Been revamping the place; so new layout and icons. :) Not sure if I'll be able to post anything useful because of my very busy schedule, but we will see where everything goes. -___-

Nothing Is Everything
Just sadness. That's all that's been happening in my life. I do nothing all day and am alone. I don't think the meds are working any more and am afraid that, just like everything else, these will fail me too. I'm also hesitant to ask for a higher dose because they must already think I'm some sort of junkie.

Not really looking forward to Christmas this year. I have no money and no friends to shop with. I just sit here and think what an awful person I must be to be all alone and hurting. I know I have a wonderful fiance and C4, but it's not the same. Sage has been very worried about me lately and thinks that it's all his fault. I've tried to console him, but it doesn't work.

Sorry for the debbie-downer post. Just getting some stuff off my chest.

Weekend Life
himari penguindrum
Had a super fun day yesterday going out with the family. C4 brought his girlfriend and we ran some errands as well as did some Christmas shopping. C4 complained when I asked him to make a list for Christmas though. He stated that it was too early and he didn't feel like it yet. His girlfriend backed me up though by saying that her mom starts her Xmas shopping in January. XD I felt better after hearing that. (although, January is the best time to get discounts.) LOL! We won't be able to give much this year but it's the thought that counts and I also plan on making a lot of stuff as well. We'll make it through somehow. ;)

I plan on trying to get to VESID sometime during the week. They have offered help in the past with job placement and services and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they will again. I'm thankful that my therapist suggested it, or I probably wouldn't have remembered!

Today the regular D&D group hung out and played the usual Frisbee Golf. Sage did give us a scare during Frisbee Golf though. Since everything is pretty much dead for fall it's a lot easier to see than it was in the spring. Sage and Dragon decided to go and try to find some frisbees that they had lost earlier in the season and started climbing through the bushes. Well, low and behold, Sage found a fallen tree at waist height and decided to climb over it. Unfortunatley, there was a small branch sticking up which impaled him in the middle of his thigh. He thought he had severed his femoral artery at first and got really scared, but after about a minute the bleeding slowed and everything was okay. He managed to cut a nice 7 inch gash into his inner thigh though. Needless to say, that ended Frolf for the day. XP For the rest of the day, since Dragon forgot his D&D character, we all opted to play Chaos Isle and watch the Harry Potter movies in preparation for next weekend. We'll be going to see the new Harry Potter and have lunch at Bugaboo Steak House! ♥ A night out with the gang. It feels like it's been so long since we did something like that. *far away look* I hope they have a table big enough. Ha!

I've been slowly managing to pick up some new clothes for myself. It seems like everything I get is made so cheaply that, when it's washed and dried, it shrinks! I have been just line drying most of my clothes and picking up some new stuffs here and there when I see something good on clearance. I picked up some jeans at Hottopic for $5 and 7 pairs of designer socks at DEB for $7.00. I do need more pants though. I only have 2 pair left. >.< DOH!

41 Days Until Christmas

It Lives!
Sorry if I worried anyone, but I'm okay. :) I am chugging through all the worries and real life problems, and living day to day. Some days are good and others not so much. Just life I suppose.

Sage just finished with his internship at a bone doctors office. He was hoping to get hired when he finished but they said that they didn't have any openings available. They took his resume and gave him three letters of recommendation, so it's not like he didn't do well... So many companies are making huge cutbacks just to stay alive in the current economy. *sigh* It's just tough all over right now. The girls in his office also gave him a cute 'Good Luck' card. It was a nice gesture to send him off with.

Still not sure what I'm going to do for a job. No one wants me and I can't afford the certification exam. *sigh* I refuse to get a crappy job just to keep myself busy because the pay difference would end up killing us. It's sad the think that I'm making more on unemployment than I would be working retail again. >.< I'm also worried about getting an extension for unemployment. Sage says that they will be cutting people off after November and that's exactly when mine will be up. It couldn't be before the end of November... No, fate has to be cruel. I guess I'll just sit tight and see what happens. I can't let myself worry over something I won't be able to know until next month.

100 truths
himari penguindrum
Taken from nineveh_rains

Under The CutCollapse )

Update and Such
himari penguindrum
Was sick for a bit from a head-cold that I caught from C4 or his friend Nick. It wasn't fun and it really did a number on me. Even though it was just a stuffy nose/run-of-the-mill sort of thing it still took a lot out of me. >.< I was so surprised. And here I was drinking Vitamin C till it came out my eyes just to try to ward off a cold. So much for that. Lol. XP

Sage took me to the movies on Sunday, as I said previously, and we saw Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. We didn't get to go on a date per say because my father asked to come along as well. I couldn't say no to him after all the things he's been doing for us since we became unemployed. Plus he's my dad, I mean, come on. Lol. ;) The movie was amazingly beautiful! The CGI was to die for. You could see every feather, every droplet of rain. I'm continuously amazed by what computers can accomplish. The story itself was pretty solid. The battles were amazing even though it was still a PG rated flick. The movie was a children's epic about owls, so in many parts you had to suspend your disbelief, but it all came together at the end. I liked it and would want to see it again if I had the chance. I'll probably just cross my fingers that I'll be able to buy it when it comes to DVD. ;)

I've been feeling down again. Not sure if it's from the cold or what, but I doubt that it's from any cause other than my depression. I'm at a very low dose of medication at the moment so the doctor will probably suggest to up it. I'm all alone anyway... so it doesn't really matter I guess...

O.M.G. I Don't Know What To Do
himari penguindrum
Facebook is down. That evil place where I waste too much free time. LOL! I can't believe it's down for me though. In the year that I've had my account there I have yet to see it happen. Oh well, there has to be firsts for everything.

This Saturday, Sage and I are going to be going on a much needed date for some alone time. It seems like whenever we go out we invite friends and/or have C4, so it will be a nice change for once. Sage told me he'd take me to see the Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hool. They also did Happy Feet btw. :D

Been re-watching all my old anime. Since I have little to no money, save the few dollars we spend on outings to stay sane, I've been going through my collections. I'm about half way through Stellvia right now. I never finished it originally because of lack of funds and such, but now a lot of older anime titles have been going on clearance and I've been finding them at Big Lots for $3 a pop. I was only missing volume VI and found it yesterday. Lucky!

Re-did my layout for fall. Sage said he liked it. LOL! Oh well, that's it for me for now. Hope everyone else is staying sane and happy. <3

Awesome Dreams
himari penguindrum
Just wanted to post really quick and muse about my strange dreams last night. All night long I dreamt that I was Korra, from Avatar: The Legend Of Korra, which has yet to be released. LOL! It was so awesome! Ha! I had Spirit Avatar Aang following me around and everything. Lolz. I wonder what the heck I ate before I went to bed? If I do actually remember, I'm gonna eat the same thing every night! LMAO!

Lots To Do
himari penguindrum
Going out for most of the day today. I have to drop Sage off at a diner so he can get a ride down to the city for his field trip. Then I'm dropping C4 off at his Grandmother's so he can spend some time. He requested it after all. ;) I'll be hanging out with my dad and doing some "shopping"... Lol. I don't really have any money to spend so it will mostly be window shopping though. Still hoping to have a little bit of fun.

I want to see Scott Pilgrim again but I won't take my dad. Even though my dad is pretty "hip", I really don't think he'd get the movie. Lol.

It finally feels like fall here. Although it's supposed to get back into the 80 degree mark on Sunday, this whole week has been in the low 70's. ;P


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